For the first time in a while, I think I’m experiencing what it’s like to be alone, but only in the no-superficial-relationships kind of way.

I ended something with someone that I could’ve just as easily kept around for the lonely nights and the visits back home. But I knew it wasn’t fair. Regardless, it still hurt to do - if there were other circumstances, something could’ve happened. But the right circumstances weren’t there for a reason, and I know in my heart I made the right decision.

A couple months ago, I literally had a roster of guys I could hit up in rotation for conversation, casual flirting, and making psuedo-plans to see each other. If I got bored, there were 4 other guys waiting - that’s college for you. I never experienced that in high school. But after a certain point, I got overwhelmed and realized I didn’t like it anymore.

Now, with that final tie I had to sever (for the time being), I really feel what it is to only be with yourself. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s weird, downright scary. There are lonely moments, like when I’m walking behind a couple holding hands for 20 minutes on my way to class or when I just wanna talk about my goals with someone and hear about theirs. But there are positive upsides too: I get to do fun stuff like go to math success and the writing center and give haley advice about nothing and win concert tickets and attempt to do my own hair and buy groceries and work with the girls in GEMS and suffer through mastering chemistry and get genuinely excited about all the internships I want to do - all this without worrying about how its gonna cut into my time with someone that doesn’t even exist.

It’s an interesting life - we’ll see how this goes.